It’s the Year of the Horse, the Fire Horse, and somehow Johnny Spoiler—a confirmed Water Pig according to the Chinese zodiac—is here to guide you safely through one of the weirdest cult fantasy sequels of the 1990s:
Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time (1991).
This week on the podcast, Johnny Spoiler revisits the movie that turned sword-and-sorcery into a full-on Los Angeles crime comedy, where Marc Singer’s Dar rides through Hollywood in a convertible, an overworked detective just wants to close his cases, and an evil brother is chasing an atomic bomb across dimensions. Yes—this is real. And yes—it somehow works.
We break down why Beastmaster 2 became a cable-TV classic (so overplayed on TBS it earned the nickname “The Beastmaster Station”), why it’s the only truly fun Beastmaster movie, and how its mix of fantasy, comedy, and 90s culture makes it endlessly rewatchable.
Along the way, Johnny Spoiler digs into:
Why the “time portal” is actually a parallel universe
The return of Kodo & Podo (ferret continuity corner)
Why the animals get sidelined in favor of dimension-hopping brother drama
Wings Hauser delivering elite B-movie villain greatness
James Avery (Uncle Phil!) as the exhausted L.A. cop archetype
Sara Douglas (Superman II, Conan the Destroyer) in full dark-fantasy mode
Kari Wuhrer, Sliders, Hellraiser, and peak 90s genre energy
We also hit Home Video Headlines, where Johnny Spoiler rants about the current state of movies, TikTok trailers, Project Hail Mary hype, Dracula with Christoph Waltz, and why modern cinema feels like it needs a shot of rocket fuel to stay relevant.
You’ll also get:
Favorite bits and cable-era nostalgia
Why Beastmaster 2 works as family-friendly fantasy fun
Fan questions about reviewing mainstream vs cult movies
Staff picks from Tubi, The Office Season 5, TED, and a renewed interest in Balls of Fury
⚡ Green lightning.
🗡️ Sword-and-sorcery on Sunset Boulevard.
🌀 Johnny Spoiler doing what he does best—making sense of movies that absolutely should not exist.
Binge now.
