Johnny Spoiler Vlog: I Almost Died Buying Cinco De Mayo Tacos | MUTANT, Vampires & Planet of the Apes Rant

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Johnny Spoiler attempts to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, accidentally walks into what feels like a cartel thriller while trying to buy tacos, questions his own survival instincts, and somehow ends up ranting about MUTANT (1984), vampire office workers, Planet of the Apes, Longlegs 2, and why every VHS horror movie looked legally dangerous to film.

In this chaotic movie vlog:

• Cinco de Mayo confusion in America

• Mexican meat market storytime

• Why I apparently look like every criminal somebody owes money to

• IRS audit paranoia

• Halfway to Halloween horror movie recommendations

• MUTANT (1984) reaction

• Bloodsucking Bastards review

• Pedro Pascal before fame

• Planet of the Apes reboot thoughts

• Longlegs 2 news

• HBO Max samurai series reaction

• Vampire movie rabbit holes

• Wings Hauser appreciation

• B-movie madness

Also:
Why do all toxic waste horror movies look sticky?
Why were hillbillies the main villains of the 1970s and 80s?
Why are there so many Dramamine posters in MUTANT?
And why does Romania apparently have vampire business schools?

If you enjoy:
✔️ Movie vlogs
✔️ Horror movie reactions
✔️ Cult cinema deep dives
✔️ B-movie reviews
✔️ Weird internet humor
✔️ VHS horror nostalgia
✔️ Johnny Spoiler losing his mind on camera

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